Which Way?

   oh boy, oh boy, Which way to turn? Do I know? Nope! I've tried figuring this out for 20+ years and to no avail I am still lost. Still standing at that fork in the road, wondering which way.

    so, I'm battling my disability, Bipolar- the mood swings, the manic depression (did I mention this can last from days to months) so bad you can't get out of bed not even to shower. Did I mention the rapid cycling,  the highs.. oh yes the euphoria of something new, the you have to go all in for it feeling, over the top.  Your thought process is impaired by both the highs and lows, the lows on my end are rough not just for me but those surrounding me, I can not go out of the house and do things, I have ruined many of friendships because of these lows. The highs, I'm so euphoric I do things then when reality hits and sets in I'm broke, bills aren't paid, and this send me into a downward cycle.

Then there is the anxiety. The fear of facing either of the 2 above, the sweating, shaking, tightening of the chest, anger, even passing out if too extreme.

IIH - one hellified Migraine. Pressure that has built up inside the cerebral spinal fluid inside the head, ( have you ever held your head under running water, the swooshing from the fluid  with each heart beat heard in the ears from inside the head) I spend days under blankets with sunglasses on, avoiding light and sound, get up get moving some said. I tried, the more active I am the higher the pressure the worse the headache.  The more stressed the worse the pressure. Yes then if the pressure is high enough, you can black out and fall which I have done 3 times. Talk about anxiety, not being able to see unexpectedly.

These things pretty much leave nothing I can do. Or do alone. Since losing my vision I try not to drive by myself, unless its necessary.

My teenage kids don't understand, and I'm just super crabby to them..

The Bf, doesn't see me bleeding or a cast on my arms or legs so he forgets there are issues.How do you show someone you are sick if there are no symptoms he can see, when I'm napping with a headache He says I'm lazy. When I blacked out and fell down the stairs, I was clumsy. He always finds something else it is besides the actual illness.

With these ailments I'm unable to care for my family, I'm unable to provide for them financially.
 So which way does a mother turn? What is she to do?